Taking it home?

Kelly Karius

Even with Bill away at work the atmosphere is tense.

Sylvia wonders if she should get a part time job, maybe even a full time one. It might help Bill feel more secure about the family income…it shouldn’t be left up to him.

But Mikhaila is still so little at 7 months, and Sylvia doesn’t want to leave her yet. She knows of a daycare down the way but…daycare spaces are tight, and it’s tough to reserve them, before she even has a job in place especially. She looks at Elton and Lydia. Elton will start school next year, that will make things a little easier, but Lydia, she still has another two years after that before she starts. 

It stresses Sylvia out that she can’t just enjoy her children. She’s always thinking about money and about Bill…

Things were going so well for him, they’d waited to start a family until they were financially stable…ha! Whatever the heck that means! They’d saved and saved, their 401K growing until they thought they’d be fine. They bought the four bedroom house, mortgaged it to the hilt, planned the kids, good lord, what more could they have done?

The company bottoming out meant different work for Bill. Work that he wasn’t enjoying. He couldn’t stand watching their investments dwindling. Their savings were dwindling too, dipped into between Bill losing his good job and finding this new one. Sylvia was beginning to wonder if Bill might be in a depression…and their sex life, well that had become non-existent, and it didn’t seem to have anything to do with the new baby. Working in this dead-end position, with a lower income leaves him little time to look for something better, though Goodness only knows if he’d find something better anyway, it seems like every Tom, Dick and Harry are out looking for work.

Sylvia hears Bill’s car pull up in the driveway. She finds herself dreading his return. What kind of mood will he be in? Will the kids be able to be quiet enough not to disturb him? The car door slams – hard, and Sylvia cringes inside. Bill comes into the house and drops his new work tools to the floor. The kids start running towards him, and stop, slowing down first. They give him a barely responded to hug and he distractedly tells them to go watch TV. He gives Sylvia a peck on the cheek and heads to the bedroom to get ready to shower. She doesn’t follow him.

Work stress can overflow into our homes. No matter how well we might think we’ve compartmentalized things, it’s difficult to keep our home lives unaffected by what’s happening for us at work. Some steps must be taken to manage this, and to grow our relationships in positive ways as we do.

Communicate with each other.

When things get tough with our spouses and especially in terms of finances, there is a tendency to withdraw, to keep our thoughts and feelings to ourselves. There is a sense that we must put on an “everything’s going to be okay” front with our spouses. That’s a bad idea. Sharing the fears around difficult times will help spouses to work together, to come up with plans that can help to reduce each other’s stress levels.

Face the finances.

Again, this is an area where the tendency is to withdraw. I’ve heard numerous people tell me “I can’t even think about what’s happening to my money!” We have this struggle in the best of times, often because we’re not quite sure what it is we’re looking at, or what we should do with it. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help with finances when needed!

Look for places to downsize.

We’re a consumer driven society. Take some time to figure out the difference between what you really need to have and what you just want to have. Think about your possessions. Which ones require time and maintenance…and money? Which are necessary? Which are placing undue financial strain on you? Make it a challenge instead of a hardship. Look for ways to unite with your family as you do this.

Be able to say no to the children & protect them at the same time.

It’s okay for kids to be aware that we’re in a crunch. In fact, it’s best if kids don’t get everything they want anyway. Here’s a tip. When your child asks for something you’re not prepared to give them, tell them “I wish I could give you absolutely everything you wanted, but if I did, you’d grow up badly and no one would like you and I love you way too much to do that to you.”

Don’t make children unnecessarily afraid for their well-being.

We manage. Even in tight times, we manage. They do need to know the reality of having to cut back, but at the same time, discussions with them about managing the bills for their basic needs can be frightening for them, particularly depending on their age. If anyone, (and I have), has ever has a small child bring you their piggy bank because they think you need it, you know it’s a heart sinking feeling. And you know that’s an anxious child.

Our families are important. The support we have for one another can get us through difficult times…but only if we honor each other enough to have the conversations that help us understand how to move forward. Forks in the road are conversation time…give it a try.

Kelly Karius is the author of This is Out of Control! A Practical Guide to Managing Life’s Conflicts. She began Karius & Associates in her basement and has grown the business into a office-based firm where she & her staff passionately design & produce webinars, distance learning programs and motivate clients through consultations and life changing seminars that help individuals & businesses build healthier relationships at home & at work. 

Learn more about Karius & Associates by visiting their website or call: (306) 728-2075.  Email Kelly at:  kelly@kariusandassociates.com

 October 29, 2008   by Network Abundance Publications