OUT OF CONTROL! with columnist Kelly Karius

This Week: Counting on the Extras.

Back pain affects 50-80% of people at one time or another.

That being said, it’s the example of choice to explain a mental phenomenon.  

You know that feeling when your back is just about to go out of place?

That “I think I’m okay…but maybe I’m not,” feeling?

That period of time when you think, “As long as I move carefully, I’ll be okay.”  For a while that can work.

Sometimes the pain even goes away entirely and the next day is a fresh clean start. But sometimes that feeling of being on the edge remains. We begin to think we can live with it…just keep on moving carefully, but then we take a step, or bend over, or do a shoulder check in the car and:

PING!!

OUCH!!  

There it is...

Again!  

Sometimes we live mentally on the edge, with a daily feeling of frustration, a sense of being on the brink, waiting for the straw…what straw? The one that broke the camel’s back, of course. Just like the shoulder check that snapped our back. We’re tough, sure. We can handle stuff…right up till the time it catches up with us!

When life becomes a series of days lived on the edge, mornings of moving carefully, afternoons of strategic avoidance, evenings of forced relaxation and anxious thought, nights of interrupted sleep…something in our brains can feel ready to snap and it can be time to look at some options, some extras.

The idea of counselling is abhorrent to some.

Baring their soul to some stranger, paying for it, a sleazy replacement for true friendship…and yet, we’re reluctant to lay it all on our friends or families…especially when they play a part in how we’re feeling! In my years of sitting in the counsellor seat many fears were laid on the line. People were afraid of counselling because they thought I would pull their secrets from them, even if they weren’t willing to tell me. They were afraid of learning things about themselves that they didn’t want to know. They were afraid I wouldn’t understand.

These are misconceptions. Current counselling technique tends to be client driven, with the counsellor allowing the client to lead the way and set their own goals, while stating observations and giving ideas. Those fears about learning something about ourselves that we don’t want to know…we already know that stuff, not knowing it in a mindfully way is often what blocks us. And understanding…most counsellors do, they’ve had their own life experiences, and heard hoards of stories from other people.

If it has ever crossed your mind that you need someone to talk to, give it a whirl.

If  confidentiality, being seen at a counselling agency, is an issue for you or if you don’t want to attend formal counselling, check out online coaching or counselling. If you’re looking for some face to face time, check if your organization has an Employee and Family Assistance Plan, an EFAP (or EAP) will usually cover a certain amount of counselling, and they work with the counselling organization to keep your information private, using systems such as numbers, rather than names, for invoicing to the company. Choose a counsellor you like, and if you find one that you don’t, stop going, pick again. There needs to be a strong connection between client and counsellor and you must be comfortable talking with the person you choose. Counselling appointments, even when dealing with difficult issues, can come to be something that people look forward to with anticipation, rather than with dread. Find the person that works well with you.

Our issues tend to be bigger inside our heads than out. Sometimes we need to hear out loud, the things we’ve been repeating over and over again in our heads. Our emotions begin to make sense when we start to understand connections. We begin to think more clearly, and make decisions more decisively. We realize the changes that need to be made and can plan for them with less fear, and with more logic.

The negative stigma around counselling is decreasing… a good thing. Because we all need someone extra to talk with at one point or another.

Kelly Karius is the author of This is Out of Control! A Practical Guide to Managing Life’s Conflicts. She began Karius & Associates in her basement and has grown the business into a office-based firm where she & her staff passionately design & produce webinars, distance learning programs and motivate clients through consultations and life changing seminars that help individuals & businesses build healthier relationships at home & at work. 

Learn more about Karius & Associates by visiting their website or call: (306) 728-2075.  Email Kelly at:  kelly@kariusandassociates.com

 November 24, 2008   by Network Abundance Publications